Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What Came Before...

I've been looking at my scrapbooking before I was introduced to Stampin' Up! and I thought I might share a little here.  Just a warning - this post does get quite personal, so if that makes you uncomfortable, stop reading now!

I started scrapbooking very briefly after my husband and I got married in 2006.  I did a few wedding pages, some I kept and some I tore up - yep, I've always been like that!  But even though I scrapped a few wedding pages, scrapbooking didn't become hugely personal to me until I started scrapping pages of my daughter.  Olivia is 3 now.

This is the first page I did of Olivia.  I think.  I don't exactly remember, and I don't really remember doing the page.  I'll explain all that in a minute.

This is one of Olivia's first photos, taken very shortly after her birth.  I do remember that moment, when she looked at me so knowingly, as if she was saying "Oh, hello!  It's you!".

The reason I don't remember scrapping this page, even though it's such a memorable moment for me, is that 6 weeks after Olivia was born, I was admitted to hospital (with Olivia) because I was suffering from Post Natal Depression.  Within a few weeks of being admitted (I spent 3 and a half months in hospital), my status changed and I was categorised as having severe PND.  And it wasn't responding to medication. 

To cut a long story short, one of the treatments that I had has resulted in a substantial memory loss for me.  About 5 and a half months.  I don't remember from when Olivia was about 3 weeks till around 6 months.  I'm not saying that my memories are fuzzy.  They're... gone.

So how does that affect my pages?  Well, I started scrapping when I was in hospital, during the time I had that treatment.  So there are a lot of pages that I look at but don't remember much about.  I don't remember putting the pages together, and there are a lot that I don't remember the photo even being taken.  I'm still coming across photos and sections of video that I didn't know existed.

I do remember the above photo.  It's another one from the day Olivia was born.

Another thing you might notice about these early pages is that there's no journalling.  There's a reason for that too.  I simply couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling... or more precisely, what I was supposed to be feeling.  I thought I'd add journalling later, but I've changed my mind.  I once read an article that claimed that a scrapbook without journalling is a waste.  I disagree completely.  To me, my lack of journalling, and the reason behind that, is just as important as anything I could write on the page.

These photos were taken at home when Olivia was about 2 weeks old.  From what I've been told, I was showing signs of PND even then.

So there you have it.  I'm sure I'll share more pre-Stampin' Up! pages soon.